i just finished painting my nails scarlet red . & i decided to hop on the computer since my cousin is way too busy playing his PS3 to talk to me . the computer is located in my mothers room [ she claims she cant trust to put it in our room because we don't know how to take care of shit , which is type true] so my grandmother is in here . yeah she's still here its like she moved in with us . well she watches this show called " Quien Tienes La Razon?" which means whose the right one? or whose at fault?. Remember i might be Spanish but my Spanish speaking skills are just a little bit shaky. well in this show random people come on and speak out there problems and no its not people getting in-pregnated and cant find there baby daddy . its about actual real problems with marriage, parents, kids , and all types of shit . today is about this girl that feels her mother doesn't pay her much attention nor affection. & i couldn't help but think of my mom . half the shit shes complaining about it pretty much the problems between me and my mom. I'm not going to go on a whole personal rant and pour my heart out because half of you don't need to be in my business but me and my mom have NEVER been on good terms , she barely even knows me . my childhood wasn't the best. . . it was actually filled with tears , torment, & is some of the reasons why i stuggle with letting people in , being with a guy & other shit . okay okay i know * plays the violin* im not asking for a pity party thats not what im looking for; no sympathy. ive learned to let go . im happy all that bullshit happened to me . it made me who i am today and im happy to be me finally . watching this 21 year old woman crying on how much her mother hurt her. all the little things matter , simple hi , i love you , how was your day ? you know .shit like that i have freinds that are best freinds with there mom or even family . she feels abandoned by her mother emotionally speaking because her dad holds the literal meaning of that . so she feels as if she only has herself . and i can cope with her . i learned life lessons on my own. people tell me that my mind doesnt fit my age . that i think like a 25 year old. i love my mom , id kill for her , id die for her . even though most of the time i think she can give a less shit about me by her actions and words i know she loves me just as much . shit im her first born and only for that matter. & honestly speaking no matter how many ugly words i might throw out at her and how much i might hate her ass & how much fucked up shit she might of done; theres always something deep down inside of you that wants her and needs her there because at the end she is your mother the person that gave you life .
