Song- Addiction, Kanye West.
when i think too much
i tend to drown
im entwined in my chaotic thoughts
and they swallow me into this whirlpool
thats hard to get out of .
my freind and i
were haveing a discussion
and she explained to me .
how she thinks i hold back from her ?
the truth is i hold back from everyone
everyone has little bits and pieces of me
no one has the full puzzle .
its hard for me to give myself up
i feel like i have to keep a part to myself hold on to it
just in case.
even the person im in " love" with
doesnt know my full potential
or me as a whole.
its the vulnerability thats gets me .
i think that once and if im even able
to give my whole self up to someone
is when ill be sane . well at least in the relationship aspect of my life .
i think i will be relived .
and it bothers because i want to give myself up
i want to be loved
thats all i ever wanted . and thats all i really need
once your out there your out theres no shelter nothing to protect you but the person
you gave yourself too .
i tend to overthink things when it comes to relationships
but hurt is something you cant ever dodge
if you dont hurt you dont learn
you cant stop whats going to happen to you
all you can do is survive it .
and then this is all come the trust issue
trusting someone is the hardest thing for me
putting my guard down is even harder
i know everyone is not out to hurt me .
but i cant help but think so.
ive missed out on a lot
for my lack of either
confidence
ability to move on
trusting
and not being able to take risk
thats my biggest flaw.
i rather sit here and think what could've happen
then it happening and me doing something wrong.
blah .
this road to self acknowledgement isn't fucking easy
