i hate it when i go into these moods well more so phases
i just want to sit and cry
and wallow
and reflect
& think.
and when im laying in my bottomless pit of endless bullshit
i think whats the point of self-reflecting?
whats the point of thinking about the what if''s?
it happened its done its over . . . shit happens
you get over it
i guess i like feeling the hurt a bit
it makes me realize that i am living and actual real
as weird as that may sound
i have people here wanting to help me
but how can they possibly be in the position to start
when they dont know the real problem?
or the core of it all
a lot of people say that i am a complex person
but the complexity is just a facade to hide whats really going on inside.
once i think i got me , something comes from left field
steering me and my little heart somewhere far and desolate
so im just starting right back at square one, time after time.
for all my 18 years of living all i have to look back too
is a big list of what if's? & maybes? & fuck up's all washed down with confusion
so i need to make a decision and stick to it for the first time in my life
all these loose ends are going to be tied.
i dont think im at a point were i want to wait to see if things "get better"
things only get better if you make them better
change happens gradually but most of it needs a little push from you.
and im p u s h i n g.
